You did it!! You got engaged! You decided to join your lives in love, happiness and passion and weather life’s storms together. Are you sure about this?
Guys, this is as much for you to read as it is for your bride to be. Ambivalence is not an emotion you ever imagined experiencing, and I’d bet not many people you know have ever admitted to feeling this way. It is in complete contradiction to what you have always imagined. No Disney story ever ended or alluded to this feeling.
Before I go any further, relax. Not only is this perfectly normal, it is exactly one of the feelings you should be having before you make this lifelong commitment. There are no wrong questions, no wrong answers, no wrong feelings, so take a deep breath and let’s explore.
Emotional Responsibility
There are a ton of emotions and thoughts running through you right now. You might feel like you are floating on a cloud. You might not ever stop smiling. Try to hold onto this happiness as long as you can. The reality of getting married crashes in around you very quickly. Keep your humor, sleep well to maintain positive energy and most of all develop a thick skin of patience. Your entire world perception has just changed and you are starting to view your life and the world through different shades imagining the everyday responsibility of joining your dreams and future to those of another person.
Doubt and second and even third thoughts about your judgment are normal. These doubts will push you to solid decisions and help shape who you want to be as individuals and as a loving partnership. Here are some questions that might help:
1) What is the dream?
2) What concerns me most about getting married?
3) When I am ninety-five years old, what will I want to say about our life together?
Uncovering the answers to these questions will strengthen your decision and your resolve. Marriage is a lot of work, work that never ends. Each life stage brings a new part of you to the mix. You will take each other for granted; you will not always feel like compromising, you will feel selfish at times. What will get you through the rough times?
Learn the Language
There is a language to marriage that every couple must learn. Keep lines of communication open all the time, establishing trust and respect for one another. Always be authentic and honest with one another. Practice gratitude and forgiveness right from the start. This will help throughout your marriage.
Start to learn your couple language as early as possible. This will set a good foundation for your relationship. You insure your very lives, you insure your wedding rings, and you can even insure your wedding day in case of bad weather. Why not insure your relationship by learning how to speak to one another; by establishing trust and respect; building the foundation the two of you create to be solid and indestructible.
lisa@journeyoncoaching.com
